Swine Flu? More like Zombie Flu!!!!

I fear I was dreadfully wrong in my recent post about the Swine Zombie Flu. As it turns out, this is no ordinary flu. This is it. This the final Zombie apocalypse and we have maybe a week before the victims rise from the dead to kill us all.

I have spent the last few hours setting up my fortress. In the basement of my house, I have stockpiled thousands of shotgun shells for my Remmingtons (plural, because I have 26 of them) and I have sharpened my machetes to such a fine point, they can split hairs. I am ready.

My basement has been retrofitted with the newest technologies. A heavy blast door has been installed and there is a window slit where my mini gun sits to pour deadly fire on the zombie hordes. There is only one other exit, a mile long escape tunnel that comes to a secret opening in the middle of the forest. The door cannot be opened from the outside.

Should there be a breach, there are wall mounted turrets. These turrets use infrared, so if anything without a human heat signature (such as zombies) moves, they will fire with near perfect accuracy. These line up my escape tunnel with perfect accuracy.

The freezer has three years worth of food. By the end of three years, the virus will die as it will have no more hosts to consume and then we survivors will be able to emerge and rebuild civilization from the ashes.

I am ready for the zombie hordes!

J Kuhl Signing Off