Vader Sessions
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
How the Universe Came To Be
A long, long time ago, about thirteen billion years ago, God was bored. He already read all his books, and watched all his movies. His jigsaw puzzles were completed and framed in various parts of Heaven. God had nothing to do. So he went down to his library. He found himself perusing the cookbooks when he found an interesting book, "Baking a Universe in Simple Steps" it read. Intrigued, God picked it up and decided to try it out.
He set up his kitchen. Running a finger down the list of needed supplies, he made sure he had enough of everything, tied an apron around his waist and set to work.
"Step 1, Heat a large vat of Nothing over the stove at 400." He got out his largest vat, sat it on the stove top. He then opened a box of Nothing and dumped the contents in. "Let it simmer. Stand back, it may generate a small explosion," the book warned. God did so. He waited about ten minutes and then BANG! He flipped out and started cursing until he got control of his nerves. He moved on to the next instruction, "Step 2, With a large strainer, seperate the Force of Gravity, followed by the Strong Force (Force between atomic protons and neutrons). DO NOT DO THIS OUT OF ORDER! VERY IMPORTANT!" So God did so. "Set the forces aside in seperate containers, shake them up and dump them back in." And God followed. "Let the Universe inflate for a split second and then watch the quarks and antiquarks annihilate each other." God did so, adding more quarks when needed. As this was going on, as per instructions of the book, god strained out electriomagnetism and radioactivity, and then proceeded to clumping the quarks into protons. "Let cool." God turned down the stove. He peered in and found himself with a vat full of nuclei. He then clumped them all up and began constructing matter. He looked at what he made. His universe was finished and he liked it, but he wasn't content.
His good friend, Mike, had a tank full of fish to feed. Mike enjoyed watching these fish and, when not busy with his Archangel duties, he gazed into their shimmering tank and watched them swim all day long. God looked at his universe and said to himself, boy, if I had a tank like that! So he gathered up his matter, and set to work forming stars as a framework to support his fish tank. Then he built a few planets, to be a home for his fish, but he didn't like them. He shaped a crystaline ball of green, white and blue, and he loved it. He carefully had it form at the edge of a moderately warm star. Then he went off into his chemistry lab, grabbed a few amino acids, some water, proteins and such and dumped them on the planet. Then he carefully invented the nucleotide. He made certain that a thunderstorm sent a streak of lightning down on his mixture and out of the pool, crawled a small, photosynthetic bacteria. God was disappointed. He wanted fish, not germs. Then he had an idea. He guided that bacteria into more bacteria, each generation subtly different from the other, eventually leading off into five branches of life. Now God had a tank. And even Mike would rather go to God's house and view God's tank than watch his own. Mike's fish died. God had more than fish. God had giraffes, tigers, bears, rabbits, trees, dolphins, and many others too numerous to mention. He hated, and destroyed, the dinosaurs he accidently generated (dropped too many steroids into the ocean, bumping his arm on his kitchen counter), but he loved his monkeys.
So one day, God decided to tweak their DNA a bit and made them smarter and smarter. Each improvement built on the last. Then God made man. He looked at his humans and then said
"Ooops!"
So isn't it at all possible that this scenario may have occured, that God, using science, created this world? Well, all the evidence points that way anyways.
And yet one always finds some moron advocating creationism in science class, because in the oh-so-holy Bible, God said, "Let there be" and there was. Except that they forget that Genesis was written by a hebrew who had no understanding of science at all. He only wrote down that God created the world and how the writer assumed it was done.
Creationism is not a science. There is very little evidence that supports it and those who do believe in creationism, do so out of zeal for God, not from any scientific standpoint. Schools are to be secular and creationism is in no way secular. Leave it out of public science classes.
How would a hindu think if he was forced to study a judeo-christian theory? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy about it, for two reasons. First, he would believe it was wrong and contradicts his own religious or scientific beliefs. Second, he'd wonder why all the other religions are missing from the science curriculum.
Creationism has no place in a public school, no matter what anyone believes, until there is strong scientific evidence for the theory and it becomes a matter of science rather than religion. But now, it is strictly religion. Leave it out of the science class.
"Nietzsche is Dead" -God
J Kuhl Signing Off
He set up his kitchen. Running a finger down the list of needed supplies, he made sure he had enough of everything, tied an apron around his waist and set to work.
"Step 1, Heat a large vat of Nothing over the stove at 400." He got out his largest vat, sat it on the stove top. He then opened a box of Nothing and dumped the contents in. "Let it simmer. Stand back, it may generate a small explosion," the book warned. God did so. He waited about ten minutes and then BANG! He flipped out and started cursing until he got control of his nerves. He moved on to the next instruction, "Step 2, With a large strainer, seperate the Force of Gravity, followed by the Strong Force (Force between atomic protons and neutrons). DO NOT DO THIS OUT OF ORDER! VERY IMPORTANT!" So God did so. "Set the forces aside in seperate containers, shake them up and dump them back in." And God followed. "Let the Universe inflate for a split second and then watch the quarks and antiquarks annihilate each other." God did so, adding more quarks when needed. As this was going on, as per instructions of the book, god strained out electriomagnetism and radioactivity, and then proceeded to clumping the quarks into protons. "Let cool." God turned down the stove. He peered in and found himself with a vat full of nuclei. He then clumped them all up and began constructing matter. He looked at what he made. His universe was finished and he liked it, but he wasn't content.
His good friend, Mike, had a tank full of fish to feed. Mike enjoyed watching these fish and, when not busy with his Archangel duties, he gazed into their shimmering tank and watched them swim all day long. God looked at his universe and said to himself, boy, if I had a tank like that! So he gathered up his matter, and set to work forming stars as a framework to support his fish tank. Then he built a few planets, to be a home for his fish, but he didn't like them. He shaped a crystaline ball of green, white and blue, and he loved it. He carefully had it form at the edge of a moderately warm star. Then he went off into his chemistry lab, grabbed a few amino acids, some water, proteins and such and dumped them on the planet. Then he carefully invented the nucleotide. He made certain that a thunderstorm sent a streak of lightning down on his mixture and out of the pool, crawled a small, photosynthetic bacteria. God was disappointed. He wanted fish, not germs. Then he had an idea. He guided that bacteria into more bacteria, each generation subtly different from the other, eventually leading off into five branches of life. Now God had a tank. And even Mike would rather go to God's house and view God's tank than watch his own. Mike's fish died. God had more than fish. God had giraffes, tigers, bears, rabbits, trees, dolphins, and many others too numerous to mention. He hated, and destroyed, the dinosaurs he accidently generated (dropped too many steroids into the ocean, bumping his arm on his kitchen counter), but he loved his monkeys.
So one day, God decided to tweak their DNA a bit and made them smarter and smarter. Each improvement built on the last. Then God made man. He looked at his humans and then said
"Ooops!"
So isn't it at all possible that this scenario may have occured, that God, using science, created this world? Well, all the evidence points that way anyways.
And yet one always finds some moron advocating creationism in science class, because in the oh-so-holy Bible, God said, "Let there be" and there was. Except that they forget that Genesis was written by a hebrew who had no understanding of science at all. He only wrote down that God created the world and how the writer assumed it was done.
Creationism is not a science. There is very little evidence that supports it and those who do believe in creationism, do so out of zeal for God, not from any scientific standpoint. Schools are to be secular and creationism is in no way secular. Leave it out of public science classes.
How would a hindu think if he was forced to study a judeo-christian theory? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy about it, for two reasons. First, he would believe it was wrong and contradicts his own religious or scientific beliefs. Second, he'd wonder why all the other religions are missing from the science curriculum.
Creationism has no place in a public school, no matter what anyone believes, until there is strong scientific evidence for the theory and it becomes a matter of science rather than religion. But now, it is strictly religion. Leave it out of the science class.
"Nietzsche is Dead" -God
J Kuhl Signing Off
Monday, July 10, 2006
Like Mike!
Read this:Man says he's tired of being mistaken for MJ
You know what this man has inspired me to do? Sue the Irish. I spent twelve years at school being called a "leperechaun" because I look like a short Irelander. Now I am sick of it. I want it to stop. I've been emotionally and psychologically damaged. (I cry at night and dream of pots of gold at the end of rainbows). I'm gunna take up a lawsuit against the Irish government for the distress being called "leperachaun" has caused me. I'm going for $273,893,236,247,823.37 (American currency). If they had never invented the little guys, I wouldn't be the catastrophe I am today. And to top it off, I'm suing Lucky Charms as well. Every time I see a box on the shelf in Shop And Save, I cringe and remember haunting memories of a distant past, of school yard bullies taunting me in the playground.
Nevermind the fact that I eat Lucky Charms for breakfast every morning (a part of my complete, nutritional breakfast), nevermind the fact that I wear green suits and green top hats and four-leaf clover neckties, nevermind the fact that I have red hair, a red beard and I am 3'2" tall, I am suing Lucky Charms and the Irish for the pain they have caused me. THEY ARE GOING DOWN!!!
"Maybe he should just grow some hair, then he won't look like him. LOL" -FoxZero, member of 3dgs forums
J Kuhl Signing Off
You know what this man has inspired me to do? Sue the Irish. I spent twelve years at school being called a "leperechaun" because I look like a short Irelander. Now I am sick of it. I want it to stop. I've been emotionally and psychologically damaged. (I cry at night and dream of pots of gold at the end of rainbows). I'm gunna take up a lawsuit against the Irish government for the distress being called "leperachaun" has caused me. I'm going for $273,893,236,247,823.37 (American currency). If they had never invented the little guys, I wouldn't be the catastrophe I am today. And to top it off, I'm suing Lucky Charms as well. Every time I see a box on the shelf in Shop And Save, I cringe and remember haunting memories of a distant past, of school yard bullies taunting me in the playground.
Nevermind the fact that I eat Lucky Charms for breakfast every morning (a part of my complete, nutritional breakfast), nevermind the fact that I wear green suits and green top hats and four-leaf clover neckties, nevermind the fact that I have red hair, a red beard and I am 3'2" tall, I am suing Lucky Charms and the Irish for the pain they have caused me. THEY ARE GOING DOWN!!!
"Maybe he should just grow some hair, then he won't look like him. LOL" -FoxZero, member of 3dgs forums
J Kuhl Signing Off
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Wopersons
I was surfing the net the other day. Something caught my eye, a video of comedian Jamie Kennedy tooling on some heckler in the audiance. It starts out with Kennedy telling a joke, involving a waitress. After he says waitress, a feminazi shouts out "They're called servers!" Kennedy stops and then begans to tool on her. He really flips out when he finds out she isn't even a "server." Complete ownage.
Kennedy had every right to slam this woman. Why shouldn't we call servers "waiters" and "waitresses?" Apparently because these two terms somehow engender inequality between male and female. And here we go again, with this politically correct crap. Politically correct does not solve a problem. Politically correct is merely a means of pleasing everybody, which is impossible. PC only hides the problem. Have you ever read the book "1984"? In this book, the world is controlled by three fascist empires. The main fascist group of the book had begun the developement of a new language, Newspeak. And in this language, all shades of gray had been removed, making crimethink, speaking against the state, an impossiblility, unless you said it directly - "BB is ungood (Big Brother is bad.)" Newspeak conveniantly hides the evils of the government from public knowledge by making it much more difficult to speak out against the government. PC also is an attempt to hide the problems of equality rather than do something about it.
Every Christmas, someone argues that it is the "holiday season" rather than the "Christmas season," trying to make sure that ever religion is included. Sounds great. Exactly the point. If everyone is so damned concerned about the words we are using, we forget about the attitudes that seperate our cultures, (and the ACLU conveniently forgets that holiday is a religious word [holy day] which makes them hypocrites). Rather than working hard to ensure it is called a "Holiday tree" (again using the religious term "Holy Day") we should be working hard to change peoples attitudes towards these different groups and try to be a little tolerant of everyone. Let the Christians have their tree. Let the Jews have their manorah.
And we have these feminazi groups that want to change our language into their own Newspeak. Waiter and waitress is to be replaced with "waitron" or "server." Fireman is now firefighter. Women is now womyn or woperson. And I suppose human is now huperson. This does nothing for woman's rights. It merely hides the problem in schematics. And besides that, who cares? About 1 in a million women (womyn I mean) will throw a fit if I call her a waitress or a mailman. They are making a fuss over nothing.
So lets forget the words. When words tell us that there is a problem, there is no need to change the words, there is a need to change the problem. Attitudes need to be changed to be more tolerant of diversity. The words we have in our language work just fine to acknowledge this diversity.
In other news, I have become an alumni of St. Dominic Regional High School as of May 26, 2006 at 7:00 PM. Woo hoo! Now for a long boring summer between now and Daniel Webster's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I still don't know what I think about graduation.
"Wow! Brazil is big!" George Bush to the President of Brazil.
J Kuhl Signing Off
Kennedy had every right to slam this woman. Why shouldn't we call servers "waiters" and "waitresses?" Apparently because these two terms somehow engender inequality between male and female. And here we go again, with this politically correct crap. Politically correct does not solve a problem. Politically correct is merely a means of pleasing everybody, which is impossible. PC only hides the problem. Have you ever read the book "1984"? In this book, the world is controlled by three fascist empires. The main fascist group of the book had begun the developement of a new language, Newspeak. And in this language, all shades of gray had been removed, making crimethink, speaking against the state, an impossiblility, unless you said it directly - "BB is ungood (Big Brother is bad.)" Newspeak conveniantly hides the evils of the government from public knowledge by making it much more difficult to speak out against the government. PC also is an attempt to hide the problems of equality rather than do something about it.
Every Christmas, someone argues that it is the "holiday season" rather than the "Christmas season," trying to make sure that ever religion is included. Sounds great. Exactly the point. If everyone is so damned concerned about the words we are using, we forget about the attitudes that seperate our cultures, (and the ACLU conveniently forgets that holiday is a religious word [holy day] which makes them hypocrites). Rather than working hard to ensure it is called a "Holiday tree" (again using the religious term "Holy Day") we should be working hard to change peoples attitudes towards these different groups and try to be a little tolerant of everyone. Let the Christians have their tree. Let the Jews have their manorah.
And we have these feminazi groups that want to change our language into their own Newspeak. Waiter and waitress is to be replaced with "waitron" or "server." Fireman is now firefighter. Women is now womyn or woperson. And I suppose human is now huperson. This does nothing for woman's rights. It merely hides the problem in schematics. And besides that, who cares? About 1 in a million women (womyn I mean) will throw a fit if I call her a waitress or a mailman. They are making a fuss over nothing.
So lets forget the words. When words tell us that there is a problem, there is no need to change the words, there is a need to change the problem. Attitudes need to be changed to be more tolerant of diversity. The words we have in our language work just fine to acknowledge this diversity.
In other news, I have become an alumni of St. Dominic Regional High School as of May 26, 2006 at 7:00 PM. Woo hoo! Now for a long boring summer between now and Daniel Webster's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I still don't know what I think about graduation.
"Wow! Brazil is big!" George Bush to the President of Brazil.
J Kuhl Signing Off
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