Somalian Pirates Fail.

Everyone's heard of these so-called pirates off the coast of Somalia, causing disruption and mayhem. However, I must point out, for the good name of pirates everywhere, that these men are not true pirates.

Let us take a look here:



As you can see from the photo, this is a Somalian pirate. But as you can tell, he's doing it completely wrong. He has no eyepatch, no peg leg, no hook. He doesn't wield a saber, scimitar, or a pistol. He doesn't have a knife in his teeth. He doesn't wear a tricorn hat or a bandana. He isn't visibly drunk, nor is he singing about booze and tavern wenches. He also is not gloating over his booty. He could have at least gotten a parrot.



This is a pirate. He stands proud above his treasure, adorned in the finest clothes his riches could buy him.

And what of the Somalian ships?



The hell is this? This is little more than a boat with an outrigger motor! Where's the Jolly Roger? Where are the cannons? Where's the masted corsair? Aw come on!



This is The Queen Anne's Revenge, Blackbeard's ship. It's got billowing sails, cannons, and all the works. THIS is a pirate ship. You can't take some little boat, slap on an outrigger and call it a pirate ship. No, it has to have style.

Pirates are all about style. The Somalian hooligans are thieves with boats. You have to be a pirate in order to be a pirate. It is an adventure, a romance with the sea, a love for danger. Arr, we be swashbucklin' pirates, sailin' the seven seas. We plunder by day and drink by night and each time we make port, we be gettin drunk in a tavern with some wench, arr, a pirates life for me.



In other news, the story of Blackbeard.

"When you marooned me on that god forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." -Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp)

J Kuhl Signing Off