The Piscatiqua River Bridge

Coming home today from Manchester New Hampshire, I was traveling down I-95 North. The traffic was typical, the truckers were obnoxious and the slow folk were in the fast lane, forming moving roadblocks and police were at every bend. It was a long and boring journey, but one that was headed for Maine, which is home.

As I went through Portsmouth, I-95 bent out of sight between the two walls of trees. Gloriously and majestically, the Piscatiqua River Bridge, a triumph of engineering and a construct of green iron and grey concrete, rose into the sky. The Bridge has always been special to me. Going west, it was a symbol of adventure, leaving the borders of my home state. And going east, it was a symbol of comfort, returning home.

But today was different. A rainbow had landed right into the direct center of the Bridge. Topless men were cheering and hooting along the side walks. Nervous, I locked my doors and stepped on the gas. Above me, thunderclouds rumbled.

As I came closer to Kennebunk, the storm clouds burst. Rain began falling in buckets. I pulled into the service station to take a leak. The rainbow was still visible behind me, though the Bridge was some 20 miles behind me. As I shut off the car, I belted myself with a chain and a padlock to protect myself from surprise gay sex.

And then there was this tall, muscular, handsome man in a soaking wet tshirt. I tried to think real hard about a girl I found attractive, but all I could do was imagine his well toned pecs. Please McDreamy, please take off your shirt.

It was official, Maine had gone rainbow and the horrors of The Gay had been unleashed.

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." -Lynn Lavner

J Kuhl Signing Off