Brad And Jennifer Spend Weekend Together!

I once had the unfortunate luck of picking up a people magazine and seeing the following headline on the cover: "Brad and Jennifer Spend Weekend Together!" My first thought was who cares? But then I realized, these two are cultural icons, the pathetic masses will care. Its probably the same gang that worships Oprah and follows Entertainment Tonight passionately. I have three words of advice for you: Get A Life.

So Brad and Jennifer spend a weekend together. Thats what people do on weekends, they spend them with people. Honestly, it isn't that big of a deal. When my parents spend a weekend, no one cares. And they shouldn't. It isn't big news. I really don't care what celebrities do. Mostly because I, unlike the Oprah-adoring masses, realize that these people are people. Give them some privacy. There life isn't yours and if your life revolves around the lives of celebrities, you are pathetic and have no life of your own to live. Why does this need to be plastered on the cover of magazines? There are people starving in Africa and all we care about are the lives of people who can't even act.

So if Brad and Jennifer spend a weekend together, or buy a yacht, or go to Paris, or get a divorce, or adopt a panda, I don't care. Perhaps when these celebrities do something great, like cure cancer, or horrible, like murder old women, I'll want the story. But if it isn't earth shattering (and Tom Cruises' love life isn't earth-shattering) then don't tell me about it.

And for godsake, leave them alone!

Speaking of old women, I have a quiz some of you drivers out there need to take.

• Do you ever drive under the speed limit?
  
• Do you read the paper while driving?
  
• Do you do your make up while driving?
  
• Do you straddle the yellow line?
  
• Is your liscence suspended?
  
• Are you blind?
  
• Are you limbless or quadrapeligic?
  
• Are you a bible-thumping baptist who wants to ban Harry Potter or Evolution?
  
• Is there a baby in your lap when you drive?
  
• Are you the baby in the lap when driving?
  
• Are you underage?
  
• Do you drive hunched over, afraid of the on-coming traffic?
  
• Do you drive on the wrong side of the road? (This includes Great Britain)
  
• Do you eat McDonalds French Fries, surf the web and feed your baby, while looking for that Cold Play CD while driving?
  
• Are you in front of me?
  

If you answered yes to any of these questions, get off the road! If the speed limit says "55 mph" that means that the fastest you can go is 55 mph. But there are people on the road who have places to be and schedules to keep so there is also an unwritten law that states that you may not go lower than the speed limit. People who drive slow are inconsiderate of other people, not to mention annoying. If you can no longer drive the speed limit, then its time for you to quit driving.

I don't like to be on the road. When someone gets in front of me and goes lower then the speed limit, it irritates me because all I want to do is get to my destination and get out of the car.

And I have seen too many idiots on the road. I've seen cars that drive at night with no lights on. I've seen truck drivers reading the paper. I've seen people apply lipstick and feed their babies. I've seen way too many cellphones. These idiots are worse than the slow, these idiots are going to kill someone.

One more thing. This is unrelated to the idiot drivers or the pathetic celebrity worshippers. I found an article in The Onion that I found funny:

Operation Screw This

I've seen Billy get hit by a car, and it was wonderful. - The Onion

J Kuhl Signing Off